sunday 12 december

OKAY. You know when I come at you in all caps like that it's something big. Today is ------ different. And it deals with things that you still need to clean up and begin some rebuild process. For this reason, the day is off the charts in regards to how this will hit you.

For some. Love is being solidified and a new path is where you will be all get up and go and want to plunge head first into this. It can really bring up lusty feelings or thoughts around wanting to divulge and dig in. It can have you feeling like the gate has opened and now you are going to run as fast as you can to get to this new thing that feels so much like YOUR THING. This is the new energy taking hold and it has some of you by the heart and reprogramming things from YOU valuing yourself more and realizing that you can do for you and it not be a negatively selfish thing.

You CAN assert and go for what feels like it lights up your heart, even if it means you have to leave things and let go of where you THOUGHT you were to be. As we have been learning the past week, we all are going to new levels in regard to the 8 year cycle of learning self-love, that now has come to an end.

This new 2 year cycle is about taking leaps of faith and having hope that things will work out if they FEEL RIGHT. That is the thing. We are tested with illusion that SOUNDS RIGHT, but does it FEEL RIGHT?? I pretty much lost everything and have had to rebuild over the past year because I chose things that only looked right. They actually all did NOT feel right – but I forced my mind to believe this was here to be a special thing and I could let the feelings grow, like someone growing on you.

I didn’t honor that my body said, FUCK NO! Do NOT collaborate with these people!! I didn’t listen to how my body got heavy and with this weird energy. I just said, hey, this great opportunity is here so it must be something I am to join into. Even with that house I moved into in Durango – I saw the image of a snake, which is never a sign to be trusted because they can be dangerous and kill you, or it is a sign that they have at least 2 personalities to be aware of. But I turned it into me needing to transmute her darkness and get along with this person. I used to step into disfunction and off feelings and I would think I was to bring healing to that!!

But only because of my wounds did I think that way. My wounds got me thinking that the no is a yes – because with wounds, you don’t think you are valuable to manifest a real big and actual yes. You think, well, I’ll compromise with the warning signs I am getting. Now -- there is no way I would have said yes to 95% of what I did the last 8 years. Now -- no way can you even get near me unless my heart sings at the thought of you. I am so quick with a no that it has hurt some relationships – but better to let them down now then have them hurt my life later.

Because warning signs are NO. They are ONLY NO. They are not, oh, we can work on this! They are a no that is going to bring negative results down the road, where you will get older and say, DAMN I wish I would not have said yes to that thing!!

But being direct and clear with YOUR BODY FEELINGS is how it is to go when you are healed from wounds and operating in your true form. It makes you blunt and sure – with deep knowing that you don’t need to know WHY you are being warned, but you ARE. I just flashed on times I was being violated as a child and someone walked in, and I did what I could to hide it and not let the violator get in trouble. When you are wounded, you protect what wounds. Which is why our lives get so tangled and where we don’t know what we deserve and what IS an honoring thing.

So. If you sit today seeing too much that needs to be rebuilt, be softer with yourself. We cannot blame ANYONE who is wounded for ANYTHING they do. They were not shown the correct way, and truly, only those who are mean spirited inside, OR who are wounded themselves, would ever cast shame on someone who gets things wrong on the road of life. Those that really are loving and are sitting solid in the New Earth ways, FROM truly walking their talk, and EARNING this position, are not going to be mean to anyone again who appears to be fucking it up. Wounds get us to walk crooked.